"PSSST. Hey. You."
"Me?"
"Yeah. You're the only one awake right now."
"What do you want?"
"Nothing. I just wanna talk."
"I want to sleep."
"Sure you do. You can sleep after we're done talking. She's right, you know."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"She's right. When you guys were talking earlier. She's right."
"I'm still kinda in the dark here."
"That's because it's nighttime."
"Okay, I meant that I don't know what you're talking about."
"I know. Let me enlighten you. That's what I do. I tell it like it is. I shoot straight."
"Who are you?"
"Let's just say that I want everyone to know the truth."
"About what?"
"Everything. I want the truth to be told. I want everyone to understand exactly who they are and what they are capable of."
"Okay. So why here? Why now? Why me?"
"Well because. You're not distracted now."
"I see. And what were you saying again?"
"I was telling you that she was right."
"About what, exactly?"
"About you, man. She was talking about what you do. Who you are. And she was right."
"Look, I really have no idea what you're talking about. You keep saying that she was right, but I have no idea what she was right about."
"I just told you, friend. Everything. She said that you were lazy, remember? You'd never amount to anything at all. And she was right. Look at everything you've done in your life. Has anything been successful? College was a joke, and you haven't done much since, have you? You can't even make your mortgage payments, much less save for retirement."
"I know. But things will get better. I know they will."
"You've been saying that forever dude. It hasn't happened yet. You'd think that it would have happened by now, right?"
"Well..."
"Look, I don't want to bring you down or anything. I just want to talk, you know? Set the record straight. I want to be sure that you know your limits, okay? I would hate for you to fail because you tried something you couldn't do."
"I know my limits."
"That's good. You should always remember them."
"Okay. I will."
"Good. Hey, listen, I hear you've been writing a lot lately."
"Yeah."
"Well, what if you're no good at it? What if you're not really creative? I've read some of that stuff. I gotta say, you're just saying the same things everyone else is. You're not unique at all."
"I've thought that before, actually. Honestly, I feel like that quite a bit."
"See? That's because it's true! It's your subconscious telling you the truth. I'm telling you man, you don't know yourself half as well as you think you do. Or even half as well as I do."
"Who are you? You never did answer me."
"Yes, I did. I'm someone who wants you to know your limits. I want to keep you safe. I want to protect you. See, this world is a dangerous place, filled with dangerous people. I know. I got into a fight just recently, actually."
"You did?"
"Yeah. It sucked. I beat the dude to a pulp, but then at the last minute, he kicked me in the head and walked away. It was crazy. He didn't even finish the fight! He just ran off, the coward!"
"Seems like it to me."
"Yeah. So I just want to warn you off. I would hate for anyone to feel bad, or feel like they don't measure up. And nobody measures up, so I just make sure to tell them that. Do you know that?"
"Yes. I do. I'm not nearly the person I can be."
"No, see, that's where you're wrong. You are exactly who you are. You shouldn't dream, you shouldn't aim for the stars. Dreams only get broken, and nobody hits the target they aim at. It's best not even to try. At least then you won't be disappointed in yourself when you do fail."
"I see. That makes sense. I don't want to cause myself any undue hardship."
"Of course not. You don't deserve that. Nobody does."
"You're really starting to make sense to me. What did you say your name was again?"
"I told you, I'm just here as a friend. But if you want a name, call me...you."
"What? You've lost me again. Actually, you're being pretty shady. Are you Satan or something?"
"Of course not. You still believe in all that stuff? Give me a break! It's 2008! Nobody believes in that anymore!"
"Well, then what can I call you?"
"You can call me you. This is all you man, all you. There is no God, there is no Satan, no Heaven, no Hell. Only you. And you are wise to listen to me. You are wise to recognize what you cannot do. You are wise to understand that you are not capable of anything. You are head and shoulders above all these other poor saps if you don't even try. While they're breaking their necks and killing themselves for things that might not even happen, you're riding easy with your sure thing. It's the only way to go."
"I appreciate you looking out for my well-being."
"Hey, would you expect anything else from yourself?"
"Good point. I look forward to your continued insight!"
"I do too! You know what? If we keep doing this, pretty soon you won't even need to talk to me. You'll just think this stuff automatically!"
"Sounds great!"
"Yeah! Hey, sleep tight, man!"
"Good night!"
"I know. But things will get better. I know they will."
"You've been saying that forever dude. It hasn't happened yet. You'd think that it would have happened by now, right?"
"Well..."
"Look, I don't want to bring you down or anything. I just want to talk, you know? Set the record straight. I want to be sure that you know your limits, okay? I would hate for you to fail because you tried something you couldn't do."
"I know my limits."
"That's good. You should always remember them."
"Okay. I will."
"Good. Hey, listen, I hear you've been writing a lot lately."
"Yeah."
"Well, what if you're no good at it? What if you're not really creative? I've read some of that stuff. I gotta say, you're just saying the same things everyone else is. You're not unique at all."
"I've thought that before, actually. Honestly, I feel like that quite a bit."
"See? That's because it's true! It's your subconscious telling you the truth. I'm telling you man, you don't know yourself half as well as you think you do. Or even half as well as I do."
"Who are you? You never did answer me."
"Yes, I did. I'm someone who wants you to know your limits. I want to keep you safe. I want to protect you. See, this world is a dangerous place, filled with dangerous people. I know. I got into a fight just recently, actually."
"You did?"
"Yeah. It sucked. I beat the dude to a pulp, but then at the last minute, he kicked me in the head and walked away. It was crazy. He didn't even finish the fight! He just ran off, the coward!"
"Seems like it to me."
"Yeah. So I just want to warn you off. I would hate for anyone to feel bad, or feel like they don't measure up. And nobody measures up, so I just make sure to tell them that. Do you know that?"
"Yes. I do. I'm not nearly the person I can be."
"No, see, that's where you're wrong. You are exactly who you are. You shouldn't dream, you shouldn't aim for the stars. Dreams only get broken, and nobody hits the target they aim at. It's best not even to try. At least then you won't be disappointed in yourself when you do fail."
"I see. That makes sense. I don't want to cause myself any undue hardship."
"Of course not. You don't deserve that. Nobody does."
"You're really starting to make sense to me. What did you say your name was again?"
"I told you, I'm just here as a friend. But if you want a name, call me...you."
"What? You've lost me again. Actually, you're being pretty shady. Are you Satan or something?"
"Of course not. You still believe in all that stuff? Give me a break! It's 2008! Nobody believes in that anymore!"
"Well, then what can I call you?"
"You can call me you. This is all you man, all you. There is no God, there is no Satan, no Heaven, no Hell. Only you. And you are wise to listen to me. You are wise to recognize what you cannot do. You are wise to understand that you are not capable of anything. You are head and shoulders above all these other poor saps if you don't even try. While they're breaking their necks and killing themselves for things that might not even happen, you're riding easy with your sure thing. It's the only way to go."
"I appreciate you looking out for my well-being."
"Hey, would you expect anything else from yourself?"
"Good point. I look forward to your continued insight!"
"I do too! You know what? If we keep doing this, pretty soon you won't even need to talk to me. You'll just think this stuff automatically!"
"Sounds great!"
"Yeah! Hey, sleep tight, man!"
"Good night!"
